We all want to find the “right” relationship. Here’s the secret.  The key toward finding the “right relationship” involves preparation. 

How do you go about getting ready for a great relationship?  The following tips will help you get ready:

1.  Know what is important to you in a relationship. 

What are your criteria for having a relationship with someone?  Here you need to look at what your values are about relationships. 

For example, is it important to you to have shared spiritual or religious values?  Shared interests?  Is it important that you have similar educational backgrounds?  Is it important to be in a relationship with someone who likes children?  Is it important to have financial security?  All these reflect things that could be important to a person about a relationship.  I hope you realize that they are in no way a complete list of all the things that might be important.  You’ll need to determine what YOUR values are. 

2. Know what YOU NEED in a relationship.

When you are in a relationship, what do you need in order to be your very best? 

Some people might need security.  Some might need to be “romanced” to be their best in the relationship.  Others might need to be told they are appreciated.  Some might need positive attention.  Others could need autonomy and independence. 

Knowing what you need in a relationship and making sure the important needs are met allow you to be your best in the relationship.  Not every single need has to be met in the relationship, but the important ones probably do. 

3. Be completely honest about what type of relationship you really want. 

Some people are looking for companionship.  Some want marriage.  Others want a deep connection with someone, but don’t care about being married.  Some people want to have children.  Still others want a sexual partner only.  It is important to be honest about this. 

4. Let go of your “baggage” about relationships. 

Your “baggage” is usually the result of past relationships.  There may be negative feelings left over from past disappointments or hurts.  There may be beliefs you have about relationships based on your past history.  If you carry that baggage into a new relationship, you are doomed to repeat the pattern of those past relationships. 

Examples might be beliefs such as “Men can’t be trusted;” “There’s only one woman out there for me;” “Nice guys are boring;” “No one will want me;” “I’m too old.”

To be ready for a “right relationship,” you have to let go of the baggage from past relationships, whether it consists of beliefs, emotions or memories.  A new relationship doesn’t magically create happiness.  The old issues from the past tend to come up over and over until we deal with them. 

Want that special relationship?  Want to find Mr. or Ms. Right?  First get ready.  If you don’t, you might just miss a really special person, someone you won’t even notice because of your unfinished business. 

© 2008, Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach, trainer and owner of Inner Resource Center, LLC in Maryville, TN.  She has 30 years of experience helping people overcome obstacles and self-sabotage by using her solution focused approach.  She is dedicated to helping people find the resources they need to transform their lives.  For more information and free resources, go to http://www.InnerResourceCenter.com .

Category: Marriage · Relationships