“Why do things have to change?”  It’s probably natural to look back with nostalgia and to wish things could stay the same.  This seems to be true whether we are talking about the weather, a relationship or a job.   Change is a natural part of life, yet we resist it. 

Change in living things is essential–it is called GROWTH.   Without it we cannot continue to exist.  And yet, many of us struggle with the aspects of change, resisting it at every opportunity.  We wish our relationships could stay the same; we wish nothing would change in our workplace.  We wish we could stay the same size we were in high school.  We wish the size of our town could stay the same. 

At the same time, we want the things that go along with growth–the financial prosperity that comes along with growth to our community and our company.  We want the increased depth of feeling that goes along with a good relationship.  We want the wisdom that goes with our age. 

People’s reactions to change vary.  There can be excitement that goes along with change.  The anticipation of something new, and the creativity that often goes along with it, can revitalize us and invigorate us with a joyful passion for the new creation.   But there is often fear or anxiety that goes along with change. 

Change means that something that was familiar will now be different.  Change is threatening.  It makes us break from the known to face the unknown.  Most people get apprehensive, anxious or fearful about change.   Usually it isn’t the change itself that makes people fearful–it is a fear about their ability to handle the change.  Change demands that we break out of our routines, out of the things we know the best, and stretch ourselves to be better. 

In a relationship, change may be about getting closer and becoming more intimate.  We may wonder if we are capable of getting that close or making a lasting commitment.  In our careers, change may require new responsibilities or a new procedure.   We may be apprehensive about our ability to handle the changes.   We ask ourselves: “Can I be effective at this?  Will I be able to do this job as well as I could do my old job?”  If the change involves a move to another community or contact with new people, we may wonder, “Will I be able to make friends here?  Will others like me?  Will I be accepted?” 

The reliable thing about change is that there WILL be uncertainty.  You can EXPECT to be anxious, worried, or fearful.  However, some people become so uncomfortable with change that they try to avoid it at all costs.  They leave a relationship rather than get closer.   They leave a job rather than test themselves with the new management and culture of the company.   Or, they don’t expose themselves to change at all–for example, electing to stay in a familiar job they hate rather than try things at another company or in another career. 

Change certainly challenges us.  It taps into all of our uncertainties and fears, all of our insecurities and doubts.  If we can meet the challenge, our opportunities can  guide us toward an amazing life.  But we have to face change head-on.  

How can you face change without fear?   The first step involves accepting that change is an inevitable part of life.  Something will always be changing.   You will need to give up all those nostalgic wishes that you could turn back time.  This involves an attitude adjustment.  You will need to be able to accept that you will always be facing change. 

Second, you will need to believe that you can handle the change.  You need to believe in your skills, capabilities, and competence.  You don’t have to be perfect, but you have to believe that you are capable.   You can DO this.

The third step is to face your fear.  Acknowledge what you are afraid of or worried about.  Think about how you have conquered that specific fear in the past.  Remind yourself of other successes you’ve had.  Think about other times you’ve faced changes and did just fine.   Sure, you may have been scared that first day in a new job.   You might have been nervous about who to talk to after your best friend moved away in high school.   But you got through it.  Devise a plan for managing it this time
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Fourth, challenge yourself to “gut through it.”  Resist those impulses to avoid the challenge, and the fear.  Although avoidance may get you a reprieve temporarily, it won’t help you with change situations in the future.  Do you really want to be locked into something that is no longer satisfying because of your fear of change?  

Fifth, approach your fear in small steps.  Then the change and whatever you fear about it won’t be as overwhelming. If the challenge seems too big, ask yourself, “What is some small thing I can do that will move me closer to conquering my fear?”  Each step will bring you a bit closer to mastering the change, and will make your fear more manageable.  You may even be surprised to discover that whatever you’d feared just disappears as you move forward little by little. 
Finally, notice how different it feels when you have mastered your fear.  The change that once seemed so overwhelming may feel almost comfortable.  Celebrate your success at mastering change!  Remember it, so that you can utilize this success in future “change situations.”  Before you know it, you will be able to move through change without difficulty.   Who knows?  You might even EMBRACE change, and seek it out!
© 2002 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach, trainer and owner of Inner Resource Center, LLC in Maryville, TN.  She has 30 years of experience helping people overcome obstacles and self-sabotage by using her solution focused approach.  She is dedicated to helping people find the resources they need to transform their lives.  For more information and free resources, go to http://www.InnerResourceCenter.com .

Category: Awakenings · Getting There · Spirit & Soul