The older I get, the more I am struck by how life surprises us. So often, we’ll be going along, living life, when something comes along that was totally unexpected. And everything changes. Sometimes the surprises are fun and exciting–like a job offer when you aren’t looking for a new job. Sometimes it’s an unexpected challenge–like when you find out that someone you had trusted betrayed you. I’ve been in both positions, and I’d bet most of us have.
Some people love the happy surprises and hate the unhappy surprises; others just don’t like anything that disrupts the plans they had for their lives. But, as that famous British philosopher, John Lennon reportedly said, “Life is what happens when you were making other plans.” Those unexpected challenges, both good and bad, are part of life.
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Category: Getting There
During the years that I’ve been helping people who are stuck overcome the limiting beliefs that block their success, I’ve discovered that the most damaging belief people hold about themselves is “I can’t.”
We all say it, almost every day, in many ways: “I can’t lose weight.” “I can’t find a job.” “I can’t get my kids to listen to me.” “I can’t find a good relationship.” “I can’t manage my money.” “I can’t learn this.” “I can’t do it!”
When you say “I can’t,” you automatically limit yourself. You ensure that you will NOT be able to do what you say you want to do. Every time we say something or think something, we are giving instructions to our brain. Our brain always tries to please us, and takes us literally. When you say “I can’t,” your brain essentially works to create that outcome. Your brain works to make sure it thwarts any pretense of accomplishing what YOU have already decided you can’t do.
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Category: Getting There
I’m a believer in life-time learning, and I have really pushed myself to learn new ways of practicing as a coach and psychologist. Maybe it’s because I get bored if I just stay doing the same thing over and over.
I actually love learning new techniques and, stretching myself. Is it comfortable? Not one bit!
When you stretch yourself, you learn so much about yourself. You can learn your strengths as well as your weaknesses, and you can have the opportunity to develop new capabilities.
Learning is really a four-step process. First is the period where you don’t even know that you don’t know–called Unconscious Incompetence. You don’t know that you don’t know something and need to learn.
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Category: Getting There
Question: How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time. This bit of folk humor is so true. No matter what task we have to tackle, we often can’t do it all at once. We can, however, take small steps toward completing the task. This is true for finding a new job, organizing your house and any number of other challenges you may face. You take action one step at a time.
I often ask my clients “What’s the next step?” This question gets you thinking about taking a particular action and this keeps the process moving. No matter what your challenge is, or how overwhelming it seems, you can ask yourself, “What’s the next step?” Asking this question will get you thinking about what you CAN do and what step you can take toward your particular challenge.
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Category: Getting There
Many people feel emotions so intensely that the negative emotions disrupt their lives. They are so depressed, angry, fearful, hurt or guilty that they cannot enjoy their lives and be happy. This is a problem for them, as well as for those with whom they interact.
The challenge is figure out what to do about your emotions. Often this means identifying what you are feeling and what to do about it; other times it means letting go of the negative emotion so that you are able to get the lessons from their life experiences and move on.
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Category: Awakenings · Getting There · Spirit & Soul
