Kites–try to rise above the hub-bub!

Is this what change sometimes feels like?

Just for laughs–Thank you everyone

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am so totally screwed up now and I have little chance of recovery. 

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I no longer get lemon slices put in my ice water because of the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot). 

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish. 

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers..   (really??)

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

And because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas. 

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. 

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan … 

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. 

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies! 

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off. 

And I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because the water splashes over 6 ft. out of the commode. (this is true by the way)

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors’ ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician . .

Oh, and by the way….. a German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

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FYI: Swine Flu Minimization

Dr. Vinay Goyal is an MBBS,DRM,DNB (Intensivist and Thyroid specialist) having clinical experience of over 20 years. He has worked in institutions like Hinduja Hospital , Bombay Hospital , Saifee Hospital , Tata Memorial etc.. Presently, he is heading our Nuclear Medicine Department and Thyroid clinic at Riddhivinayak Cardiac and Critical Centre, Malad (W):
        
The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it’s almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.
        
While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):
        
 1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).
        
 2. “Hands-off-the-face” approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).
        
 3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don’t trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don’t underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.
        
4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*
        
5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.
                  
6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.
         

Time management

If you are having trouble concentrating, as is common when going through sever change, try setting a goal.  For example, work 45 minutes, then take a 15 minute break, then work another 45 minutes, and so on.  Or, set a time frame for certain activities: “I will go to the gym at 6:30 each morning, at least 3 days per week” or “I will work on my writing at least 2 hours per day,” or “I will work on this project M-F from 10AM-2PM each day,” etc.  Make your goals realistic so as not to discourage yourself and make them appropriate to the project, and something that will assist in achieving your goals.

Another tip is to list, before going to bed, the three most important things to accompish the next day, and then do them.

Another example:

I used to have a large bulletin board in my office, and each project was a column, visually.  I would break down each project into sets of activities, and use a medium point magic marker to write on a 3X5″ file card for each activity set.  I would thumbtack them into columns, with the bottom file card the first activity set that had to be done.  Because the writing was in a medium-sized marker, I could see it across the room from my desk.

As I accomplished each activity set, I could remove the card, thus the lists (columns of cards) became shorter as I progressed through a project. 

I would set goals for myself as to how many cards I would want to remove each week or each day.