Please share yoru stories! I do think it makes negative change feel less lonely, and writing can be cathartic as well. Other people might learn something. . . .there are good reasons to share.

I bought a building in partnership with my manfriend on the main street of a quaint little town that had promise to be a charming Delta waterfront Sausalito. I remodeled the property with the unique finishes of a combination of Tuscan and Japanese architecture in this historic area of the town, opened an art gallery featuring local artists, and became very involved in local politics and service groups. I promoted the arts throughout the Delta, wrote columns in a major local newspaper and magazine, and became entrenched with the local art community and the business community as well, primarily vintners. This was supposed to be the good life dreams are made of.

Early on in this venture I ended the relationship with my manfriend. During this tremendously traumatic breakup, I bought a waterfront home in an area I always wanted to live and for the first time in my adult life I was living alone. I cried. The house needed a lot of work and I did a majority of it myself.

I carried out all the duties of proprietor of the Gallery and promoted the arts and saw the gradual demise of the economy impact business and interest. Since everything I did for the arts was philanthropic and I had poured money into this venture and my home, I realized I needed to go back to work. I cried. I’m a Realtor.

So, I aligned myself with a brokerage and went back to work, realizing it was a challenging market, but I had always been tremendously successful and I had built a strong presence and network. Certainly now I could say the rest is history, just use your imagination, but I need to add that not only was this the worst possible time to get back into the business, but I spent a lot of money doing so. I decided to create a whole new image for the Delta; I marketed it as the Delta Wine Country. Putting time and money into this campaign had the impact I had intended. I acquired numerous listings and elevated interest in Delta properties through the romance of being wine country. The problem was that nothing was selling. I spent many hours and was still chipping away at my savings, and nothing was selling. Plus, I was working the Gallery. Something had to give.

After a four hour bath with candles, a bottle of wine, show tunes, and a steady stream of tears, I made the decision to close the Gallery. My dream died along with some of my spirit, but there was no choice financially. Closing the Gallery was drawn out, tedious and heart-wrenching, and of course many people expressed their disappointment over the loss.

Not ready to give it up completely, I kept the Gallery alive in another capacity by exhibiting at a beautiful winery venue for a year in hopes of at least breaking even on my expenses and time spent on the effort. I had a wonderful time promoting the arts through this venue. But it drained me of valuable time I needed to make an income. So, I pulled out of the winery. I cried.

Throughout all this there have been deaths of friends and family member very dear to me and the demise of personal relationships with two men that I had hoped for something meaningful. There have been ongoing legal matters over the investment with the ex-manfriend/partner in the Main Street property which remains unresolved and tying up my investment funds. And now, after another year of struggling to make ends meet in a barren real estate market, I am financially destitute. I am losing everything. I cannot refinance my home (bought at top dollar), so I am hoping to sell it for pennies on the dollar. I have to reinvent myself in a new career at this time in my life. And, the best strategy I can figure out at this point is to go back home to the charming Victorian in the historic downtown neighborhood but to rent for the first time since I was 22 years old. Not to a successful career in real estate but to the unknown. And the stress has been so intense that I recently had a little heart attack, yes a heart attack—something more to add to the pressure.

I have always subscribed to the theory that with hard work, sincere intent, and a positive outlook your dreams come true. I don’t accept failure and look to myself first; how could I do this differently, what did I miss? Then with some adjustments, things have always had a way of working out.

Not so in today’s world. It is uncomfortable to be victimized by today’s state of the economy. At a time in my life that I thought I had learned to curb my propensity to push too hard and to cherish and respect the truly meaningful things life has to offer, I find myself incapable of accepting these setbacks. I am working on it but have ground to cover. Meanwhile, it can be difficult to muster up the energy to rise from bed let alone to the occasion.

Realizing goals through visualization/positive thinking/living your goals used to work well now I feel undermined by today’s twists on logic. What a bad joke.

On a positive note, I will not give up. Now is the time to embrace the adage that the truly successful are those who adapt to change. It would be remiss to suggest that loss is simply change, and I have lost a lot over these four years. But I have found it less overwhelming to place my losses in the category of change when I strategize to adapt.

I also try to integrate good design, and ‘experiental thinking’, into the way I live my life at the personal level. This week is Cellobags!!! My sister is lucky to have me, to order bags like the ones we used to get at our favorite candy shop. This means that again this year we can make BEAUTIFUL Valentines cookies, handpainted, just two per bag, in lovely clear cellophane bags, with lovely ribbons. It brightens anyone’s day who receives them, be they a guy or a girl, a client or a friend. I found some very helpful people in Ohio who have the cello bags (not plastic, which is harder to see through). Because they were so kind, I will tell you who they are: http://www.ClearCelloBags.com.

For me, trying to make everything beautiful is equivalent to Making Magic for anyone around. . .

Some friends use therapists, who are there to talk with, so those changes don’t swamp them.

I find change to be filled with expenses, oftentimes. Creating a new persona often is accompanied by different clothing, by different consumption to help get me into the new life, whether it be moving and buying a house, or becoming more healthy (and cleaning out cupboards of sugary foods, and restocking with healthy alternatives).

This new economy means downsizing to many, but even that can have costs. A friend lost her house due to the financial issues at hand, but since then, has had to move often, take different jobs to survive, etc.

Or the new economy can mean deletion of costs. Perhaps we give up cable TV, or eating out as often. Here, we are trying to cut back. I eat out less, eat more leftovers, buy fewer things, and try to re-use as much as possible. It was the way I was raised, and returning to those roots is refreshing.

Changes in life usually mean changes in consumption. That’s the long and short of it!!

I talked about my trailer. But I did not talk abou tmy Professional Self–the one who owns all the black suits that hang in my closet!

And there’s the Designer/Architect, who also wears the black suits, but who has the edgier design statement–the blue jeans, black jacket, white T-shirt, darker-rimmed and more current eyeglasses!!

Or the Martha II (ala Martha Stewart), who loves to bake, sew, make everything beautiful–every letter, every stamp, every cookie, every room. . . . . I think I was Martha before she was. Probably need a new name for her, then, don’t I? It’s more than Betty Crocker!! It takes it further into the design realm, the experiential realm.

And I am the Academic/Consultant, with the PhD in business that I try to utilize where possible. Pragmatic, efficient, logical, analytical.

And the Artist/Creator, who is more the free thinker, who hops across disciplines in her thinking, taking the best o feach, combining, mergining, into better problem solving and into better, and oftentimes more abstract, art and writing. . .

And the Woman/Female/Girl. . . .I will save that for another day.

Finding that too much computer time at one sitting affected me, was also a significant change, as I used to earn my living spending virtually every day, all day, at the computer. Now I look for diversity in my work activities, and attend to planning my computer time more definitively. Otherwise, the computer can be a ’black hole’ for time!! I consider that to be more an ’undertow problem.’

The death of a close friend was also an inflection point, a point of significant change. I got writer’s block, having historically written quite a lot. I ended up painting, and people bought them, and today, many people think of me as an artist rather than as an academic, or consultant, or writer. Interesting times. . .